Sunday, January 13, 2013

Finding the Kinky on Craigslist


Maybe you’re looking to spice things up with your spouse. Or maybe you’re looking to explore some hidden niche of your sexuality. Maybe you’re looking to scratch a secret itch, fetish-ally speaking. Or maybe you just want to have an amazing trip out of town with a sexy stranger.

Whatever your impulses, proclivities, desires, urges… there’s really only one place to look.

The internet.

There are an infinite number of sources available to us. We need people..  to help us live our fantasies,  to connect with, to validate us… Online you can post an ad.  An ad that details exactly what you’re looking for, whom you’re hoping to find, and what you want to do with them. You CAN find the right person…

But it’s gonna be a BITCH until you do.

I’ve been tricked so many times! I’ve been lied to repeatedly, and repeatedly I have fallen for the traps these strangers set. An embarrassing number of times. I’ve been fooled into thinking I was talking to a woman instead of a man. I've been fooled into thinking I was talking to a couple, when in reality I was talking to- you guessed it- a man. Men will screw with you to get pictures, they’ll screw with you to stroke their egos, and they’ll screw with you for the hell of it.

Don’t let them.

There are a few things you can do to weed out spam, creeps, and manipulators. Insist whoever answers your ad put a certain word or phrase in the subject line. Only open emails that follow these instructions. If you see ANY emails asking you to join a site (even if it’s free), don’t do it. You will be getting A LOT of spam. Be prepared to ignore it.

VOICE VERIFY. Before you do anything, like getting involved in a lengthy correspondence or sending anyone pictures… talk to them on the phone. Even if it’s just for a few seconds. I understand you may be reluctant to hand a stranger your phone number, but in my experience… I’ve never regretted giving out my phone number. I HAVE regretted sending people pictures. If the person you’re speaking to is genuine and reasonable, they will agree to speak on the phone immediately. You won’t scare them away. (On a side note, I’d also recommend only taking dirty photos that don’t show your face. These photos should never be able to come back and haunt you.  Of course that’s not my ass! Plausible deniability.)

Match the tone of your ad to the nature of your desired encounter. If you’re looking for a one night hook up, be as vulgar and explicit as you’d like. You’re looking for a get-to-the-point girl. BUT I’ll bet anyone reading this blog is more interested in worthwhile, long term kinky adventures. You’re probably seeking a quality, open minded woman. Make your ad concise, but thoughtful. Let any readers see you’re intelligent and respectful. And then..

Be patient. Quality girls are hard to find. You may be waiting a while. Post a new ad every few days and remain optimistic. She’s out there, and when you find your quality girl, you’ll be glad you didn’t waste time with the dirty girrrrrl asking you to "hit her up." You’ll also avoid contracting anything.

I cannot stress the importance of that first phone call. When you’re tricked, you feel not only stupid, but violated. You feel disappointed and discouraged. You feel shitty. One phone call is a small hurdle to jump through in order to avoid these feelings. Be good to yourself. Insist on hearing their voice. The worst that will happen from releasing your number is having a few unwanted dick pics sent to you via text. Unpleasant, but you’ll survive.

Remember to use a fake email address when dealing with online kink.Create a free one, and use that exclusively. If you're emailing from a smartphone, make sure your mail is being sent from the correct address each time.

A handy website to know is www.tineye.com. This website can examine the photo you receive (from a perspective partner) and tell you whether the photo appears somewhere else online. If the photo is a google image or from a dating site, you'll know. Many people steal pics from other websites and try passing them off as their own. Tineye is an effective tool for weeding out these scamps.

Allow your internet search to be an adventure, and keep your sense of humor about it. You may or may not find true love this way. But you’ll find something. Settle in for a long process, take every response with a grain of salt, and laugh.

Happy hunting.

Xox
KC

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