Thursday, January 3, 2013

The Night He Took Me

Being naive is frustrating. Because it inherently means that you are something that you don't understand.

If you are a naive person, people will tell you that you are a naive person. And you will only understand them in theory, because if you truly grasped the reason they were calling you naive, they wouldn't be saying it.

I've heard that phrase a lot in my life. And while it's not uncommon to be naive about which neighborhoods are sketchy, or how easily spyware is caught, it is aggravating to be naive about your own body.

How well do you understand vaginas? Your own, your girlfriend's... Whatever vagina you have the most access to presently, you probably think you know pretty well.

I did.

And as far as my asshole is concerned, I never thought there was much to know.

In the last year, I have made love with men. I have made love with women. I've been tied up, choked, slapped in the face. Photographed. I've watched others have sex in front of me. I've had sex in front of other. I've attended a bondage party. I've attended a swing club. I've been a spectacle. I’ve been a conspirator. I've had my pussy eaten while receiving electrical shock. I've been looked at inside with speculums and a flashlight. I've been surprised, tricked, inspired, used, encouraged, loved…

And taught.

The first night I had sex with G, I walked into a hotel room he'd prepared in advance. I was alone. On the desk, laying on a clean white towel, were three items. One was a bottle of lubricant. One was a box of personal cleansing wipes. And the other was a glass toy. It was long and tinted blue, with rounded curve after rounded curve.. oddly beautiful. It reminded me of the contorted and colorful glass pipes you see in head shops.

I sat at the desk and touched each of the items in turn, ending with the toy. I let my fingers trail lightly over the glass. Cold. I picked it up and felt its weight. I knew what he wanted me to do with it...

Put it in my ass.

I hadn't had anal sex in seven years, and the prospect worried me. My list of concerns went in this order:

1) Hygiene.

I remedied this by fasting before our date. Zero food entered my body for 24 hours, and before leaving my house I administered an enema. I recommend Fleet saline enemas.

2) Technique

Luckily for me, the pressures of angles and movement rest largely with the man. At least they do when you're beneath him. I recommend finding a man who's comfortable taking the driver's seat.

3) Pain 

It WILL hurt, especially your first time. And especially if your partner’s well endowed. I recommend taking an Advil beforehand. Then biting down on something.

G thoughtfully left me a stretching mechanism to prepare for his arrival. But before I could put it to use, I noticed a wooden drawer in the room, marked by a bright yellow post it note. The note read,

Look Don't Touch.

I knelt on the carpet and pulled the drawer out slowly... rope after rope after rope.. twisted and knotted in elaborate designs. A blindfold. Two metal bars attached to leather. Two tiny yellow rubber cups. I had no idea what some of these things did. I desperately wanted to pick them up and examine them, turn them over in my fingers, determine their use. But the post it note kept my inquisitive hands away. All I could do was stare...

Minutes passed as G's arrival drew closer. I tried negotiating the glass toy into my bottom, but I only briefly managed a few centimeters before the pain made me stop. He texted me to announce his proximity, and I again sank to my knees.. this time on a pillow in front of the door, left by G for this purpose.

Imagine kneeling on the floor of a strange hotel, staring at the door, waiting every moment to hear the sound of an engine cut off, footsteps approaching, the turn of a key...

That's how he found me. Kneeling, fasted, eager, waiting. My first surprise came as he entered. He walked in grinning. And instead of immediately unzipping his fly, he pulled me to my feet and said, "You're so pretty. I keep forgetting how pretty you are." Then he kissed me. Sweetly. And ran his fingers through my hair, holding me softly against him.

THEN he put his cock in my mouth.

Hugs and compliments before the jarring sexual contact. Sort of the bdsm equivalent of buying a girl dinner first.

When he was ready for the main event, he told me to cross the room. Slowly. To put my hands flat on the countertop. And to wait. My right leg shook as I made my way to the counter, giving me a trembling, unbalanced gait. There was a mirror above the counter, so G could watch my face as he took me.

The moment he thrust, pain shot through me. It hurt much worse than I expected. The only times I'd ever tried this as a teenager, it had been slow and extremely careful. G may have been careful not to injure me, but he was anything but gentle. He wasn’t hesitant. He wasn’t slow. He rammed me over and over, pounding me as I tried desperately to keep my hands flat.

I was screaming.

And screaming. And screaming. The pain shocked me. Overwhelmed me. G watched my face contort in the mirror as I took it. Never asking him to stop, despite the piercing sensations coursing through me. My body betrayed me before my will. My right leg began to shake so much I couldn't stand. G laid me down on the bed and continued.

"Squeeze me," he'd whisper. And I'd try, but the squeezing became harder and harder. And slowly.. the sensations changed. The jolts of pain subsided. In their place, I felt a softer, easier friction. I'd grow to find this feeling pleasant.

I was relieved when he finished, but I also felt pride. I had taken it. All that force and fervor and passion and pain. I had taken it all.

And it had made me wet.


The sphincter is a muscle; and like any muscle, it can be exhausted. The period during anal sex which is most often enjoyed by the woman, is the period after which the sphincter is forced to relax entirely. G calls it "giving up."

The best way to force an asshole into submission is to insert... whatever you're inserting, and squeeze it with your sphincter muscle as long and hard as you can. G mixes this up by intermittently thrusting in and out. After several minutes of diligent squeezing, your muscle won't be able to squeeze anymore. It has been defeated.

This is when it should feel most pleasurable.

I'll address this again point again: Hygiene. The reason I hadn't had anal sex for seven years before G was because the last time I'd done that, the endeavor had resulted in a small amount of excrement. I felt mortified.

True, there will always be this risk. And if you're not ok taking this risk, do not have anal sex. And if the guy who's going to fuck you might be rude at this possible outcome, he doesn't deserve to feel an asshole. Fuck that guy.

BUT if you're both ok acknowledging this possibility and both want to continue, there are some things you can do to cut down its likelihood. The single most important thing...

ENEMA. Do this thirty minutes to an hour before, depending on the size of the enema. The bigger the enema, the more time you should allot yourself to dispel it. G feels strongly that one should only give themselves warm water enemas, in an effort not to disrupt the delicate bacterial balance inside ourselves. But since saline is simply a solution of salt and water that more closely matches our own biology, I think saline is a perfectly acceptable alternative. You can buy a four pack of Fleet brand saline enemas for a few dollars. A small price to pay for fecal peace of mind. 
To be extremely careful, or if the timing can’t be met according to the aforementioned timetable, I recommend using an enema a few hours before the meeting. And then another as closely to the time of anal sex as possible. I have used two enemas before with very positive results. I do not recommend doing this much on a regular basis, but once in a while won’t hurt- and did I mention how effective it is?

The second thing you can do is fast. Food takes a long time to pass through your digestive tract, so to completely eliminate any trace of food, you'd need to fast for at least 48 hours before the deed. I'm extreme, but I'm not a crazy person. I'll fast 24 hours, and no more. Also, I don’t recommend this method if you have a history of eating disorders or unhealthy body image-based eating habits. We don’t want to unintentionally trigger any previous behaviors. Stick to the enema.

Nine times out of ten, if this formula is followed correctly, there will be NO mess WHATSOEVER. Yaaayyyy!

Alternatively, you can go for it whenever you'd like, and keep a towel nearby. Also effective and much easier. Especially if you're comfortable with your sexual partner. Which, although I love him, I am still not with G. So I'll keep fasting. You choose your poison, and we'll all have happy anal-ing!

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